Sex Education: A Parent’s Guide

Sex education protects, it does not sexualise

I want to make one thing clear from the very first line, because it’s the fear I hear most often: sex education does not sexualise children, it protects them. Talking about privacy, naming body parts, explaining what a secret that weighs on you feels like and what a touch that bothers you is — none of this awakens a precocious sexuality. On the contrary, public-health research is consistent: age-appropriate education actually delays first sexual experiences, reduces risky behaviour and, above all, gives children the words to recognise and report what isn’t normal.

So educating doesn’t mean “talking about sex” with a five-year-old. It means passing on to them, at their level, respect for their own body and for other people’s, and the confidence to ask their questions without shame. A child who can name their body and who has the right to say no is far harder to abuse. In that sense, sex education is one of the best prevention tools we have: that’s the message Charline Vermont champions in episode #193, whose title says it all — to educate is to protect.

By age group: what to say, and when

The big question parents ask is almost always the same: “at what age?”. The reassuring answer is that there’s no single “day of the talk”, but a thousand small everyday moments, adjusted to the child’s maturity.

0–3 years: naming the body and setting the idea of privacy

It all starts much earlier than we think. From early childhood, you can simply name body parts using their real words, vulva and penis included, exactly as you’d name an elbow or a knee. Giving the right words isn’t crude: it’s offering the child a vocabulary to describe themselves and, if needed, to raise the alarm. This is also the age when you introduce the idea of privacy: what happens in the bathroom, the fact that no one touches private parts without a caregiving reason. I discuss this with Tess Vanderhaeghe in episode #173, devoted precisely to how to approach intimacy with the very young, without dramatising or overcomplicating.

6–12 years: the concrete questions

Around primary-school age, curiosity becomes more specific: where babies come from, why bodies change, what the approaching puberty is. This is the age for clear, factual answers — neither too technical nor dodged. Anticipating puberty before it arrives spares a lot of anxiety — a first period that takes you by surprise, an erection that worries you. Episode #57, dedicated to sex education for 6–12-year-olds, offers very concrete guidance for this often-overlooked age group.

Teens: relationships, desire and respect

In adolescence, sex education for teens changes in nature: it’s no longer just about biology, but about relationships, desire, consent, the first time, contraception and mutual respect. It’s also the age when you support the discovery of orientation and identity, a topic I explore in depth on the page devoted to LGBTQ+ questions. The challenge at this age is less about controlling everything than about remaining a figure of trust to come back to.

Consent from the earliest age

We often think consent is an adult matter. That’s a mistake: it’s learned from nursery age, without sexuality ever coming into it. Letting a child refuse a kiss to an aunt, asking “may I give you a hug?” and accepting the no, teaching them to ask before touching a classmate: these are the first building blocks. A child who has been taught that their body belongs to them, and that other people’s bodies are not theirs for the taking, absorbs the logic of consent very early.

This learning protects in both directions: it helps the child spot a gesture that crosses a line, and it makes them a future adult who knows how to ask and to listen for the other person’s yes. Laying these foundations early means you don’t have to re-explain everything in a panic at adolescence.

Answering questions without awkwardness

“Mum, what does making love mean?” always pops up at the worst moment: at the supermarket checkout, in the car, at the dinner table. The good news is that there’s no perfect answer, only a steady stance. The first useful reflex: don’t panic, and rephrase the question to understand what the child really wants to know. “What do you think?” often reveals what they already have in mind.

Then you answer simply, step by step, allowing yourself to say “good question, let’s talk about it again tonight” if you need a moment to breathe. An imperfect but open answer is better than an embarrassed silence, which teaches them that the subject is shameful. What matters is staying a parent the child dares to come back to — the same quality of connection I work on in communication within the couple and the family.

Sex education: the role of school and parents

Sex education isn’t a duel between home and school: it’s a partnership. School provides a common framework, validated information and a space to ask questions you wouldn’t dare raise at home; parents bring the values, the nuance and the everyday availability. The two are complementary, and one never replaces the other.

I discussed this on-the-ground work with Suzanne Jolys, who runs sex education sessions in secondary school (episode #63): she shows how much a caring setting at school frees up teenagers’ speech. These sessions don’t replace family dialogue — they make it possible. And when the subject stays taboo at home, it’s often school that becomes the only space where some teenagers receive reliable information — which says a lot about how important it is to lift, collectively, the taboos that still weigh on sexuality.

Porn and teens: regulate or educate?

Today, the average age of first exposure to pornography is around the start of secondary school. For many teens, porn becomes, for want of anything better, their first “lesson” in sex education — with all the distorted representations of the body, pleasure, performance and consent that this carries. Faced with this, the temptation of total control is understandable, but control alone isn’t enough: it shifts the problem without solving it.

Regulate access, yes: parental controls, conversations about limits, attention to early exposure. But above all educate: explain that porn is fiction, not a manual; that real bodies don’t look like the ones on screen; that real pleasure requires communication and respect. That’s the whole point I explore in episode #74, aptly titled “regulate vs educate”. And because this content also circulates on social media, my conversation with Pierre Dubol and Léa Butine (episode #19) extends the reflection. Banning without explaining breeds secrecy; explaining while setting boundaries builds critical thinking.

Resources to go further

Informing yourself is the best way to then dare to talk about it with your children. Children’s books suited to each age, podcasts, official health websites: reliable resources are no longer in short supply. For concrete guidance, I’ve gathered several episodes devoted to this theme, to listen to below.

And if you’d like more structured support — workshops, practical materials, age-by-age guidance —, my webinars and my ebook are designed for parents who want to approach these subjects calmly. Sex education doesn’t require you to be an expert: above all, it asks you to be present, honest and available. You already know more than enough to begin.

Frequently asked questions

Book an appointment Webinars & ebook