Masturbation: Pleasure, Benefits & Myths

What is masturbation?

Masturbation simply means giving yourself pleasure by stimulating your own body — the genitals, of course, but also any other erogenous zone. I want to say this right away, because it is still one of the practices most wrapped in silence: masturbating is healthy, normal and harmless for the body, at any age and whatever your relationship status. It is a part of the vocabulary of sexuality like any other, nothing to be ashamed of.

It is also, and this is what interests me as a sexologist, one of the most direct routes to self-knowledge. Before you can tell a partner what you like, you first have to have discovered it on your own. Masturbation is that intimate laboratory where you learn, with no stakes and no outside gaze, how your body responds, what awakens it, what relaxes it. And if you don’t feel the need for it, that is just as valid: there is no norm to reach, no lack to fill.

The benefits of masturbation

Masturbation is often reduced to pleasure alone, and that would already be a good enough reason. But its benefits go far beyond that, and it’s a shame we talk about them so little.

Knowing yourself and mapping your pleasure

Masturbating means drawing, at your own pace, the map of your own pleasure: which caresses, which pressure, which tempo, which zones. This map of pleasure is no small thing: it becomes genuine self-knowledge, something you can then pass on, show or describe to a partner. You can’t guide someone else into a territory you’ve never explored yourself.

Sexual health, relaxation and sleep

On a physical level, orgasm releases hormones (endorphins, oxytocin) that soothe, ease tension and help with falling asleep — many people use it as an evening ritual. In women, masturbation maintains lubrication and tissue suppleness; in men, it contributes to the health of the genital system. More broadly, it keeps desire alive and maintains the connection to your own sensuality, including during periods of being single or apart.

Letting go of myths and guilt

If masturbation still carries so much guilt, it is the legacy of centuries of moralizing discourse and false medical beliefs. Let’s sort this out, once and for all.

No, masturbation does not “tire you out,” does not cause infertility, does not harm your eyesight or your body; no, it is not reserved for people who are alone or deprived; no, it does not “wear out” pleasure or cause lasting desensitization. These ideas have no basis whatsoever. Nor is there any “normal” frequency: every day, once a month, or never — it is above all a matter of personal desire.

The only thing I genuinely invite you to be wary of is guilt itself. It is guilt, not the practice, that does harm: it creates shame, tension, sometimes an avoidance of all pleasure. Making peace with the idea that your body has the right to be a source of pleasure is often a first therapeutic step in itself.

Female and male masturbation: what are the nuances?

There is no single “right” way to masturbate, and the differences between bodies are less rules than invitations to explore.

On the female side

Female masturbation rests overwhelmingly on stimulation of the clitoris — an organ entirely dedicated to pleasure — far more than on penetration. The paths are many: the fingers, the palm, a cushion, the shower water, a sex toy, varying pressure and rhythm. Many women discover their orgasmic capacity on their own this way, even before reaching it with a partner — which makes it a precious tool for anyone who struggles to reach orgasm.

On the male side

Male masturbation is often learned earlier and faster, sometimes with a logic of efficiency. For many men, the challenge is precisely to slow down: to vary the gestures, the scenarios and the positions, to explore other zones, to deliberately delay orgasm. Masturbation that is too quick and always the same can, over time, disconnect you from the rhythm of a shared relationship.

Edging, to intensify

Edging means approaching orgasm and then easing off the stimulation, several times in a row, before letting go. This step-by-step build-up often intensifies the final pleasure and, along the way, helps you better know your point of no return — a useful skill with a partner too, particularly in cases of premature ejaculation.

Masturbation within a couple

This is probably the most common misunderstanding I encounter in consultation: believing that if your partner masturbates, it means you’re not enough for them. Yet masturbation within a couple is neither a betrayal nor the symptom of a lack: it is a complementary sexuality, not a competing one.

Desires are never perfectly in sync; masturbating allows you to take care of yourself without placing on your partner the responsibility for every one of your impulses. Far from draining the couple, it can even nourish it: showing each other how you touch yourself is a wonderful way to communicate your pleasure without words. In the spirit of slow sex, shared masturbation, the gaze, the slowness, become a playground of tenderness in their own right, where performance no longer has a place.

Masturbation, desire and orgasm

Masturbation is one of my most valuable allies in therapeutic work, because it puts the person back at the center of their own pleasure, without the pressure of someone else’s gaze.

When sexual desire runs low, reconnecting with a solo sexuality often helps rekindle the erotic spark and reclaim your fantasies. And when facing anorgasmia — that difficulty in reaching orgasm — solo exploration is frequently the first step: discovering on your own, without relational stakes, what triggers pleasure, then gradually transposing that knowledge into shared sexuality. The body learns better in safety than under pressure.

When does it become an issue?

Let’s be clear: in the vast majority of cases, masturbation is not a problem, and there is nothing to “fix.” The only criterion that matters is not frequency, but suffering and freedom. You may begin to question things when the practice becomes compulsive: when it imposes itself as an automatic way to discharge anxiety or boredom, when you can no longer do without it, when it encroaches on your social life, your work or your shared sexuality, or when it leaves a taste of shame rather than pleasure.

In these situations, the target is not masturbation itself, but what it is trying to soothe. Support from a clinical sexologist helps you understand the function of the practice and regain a calm, chosen relationship with your own pleasure. Here, to consult is not to be “re-educated”: it is to give yourself back some freedom.

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