What a sex therapy session is for (and what it isn’t)
Booking a sex therapy session often means opening a door you’d kept shut for a long time. I know that, and I want to reassure you right away: a sexology consultation is nothing to be intimidated by. Above all, it’s a time to talk, a confidential and caring space where you can set down whatever is weighing on you about your intimacy, your desire, your body or your relationship — with no fear of being judged.
Let’s start by clearing up the most common misunderstandings, because they hold a lot of people back. A sex therapy session is not a physical exam: as a clinical sexologist, I never perform any gynecological examination or any physical touch. My work relies on listening, dialogue and therapeutic tools, never on examining the body — which is precisely what makes my online sex therapy support possible, by video consultation. Nor is it a place of judgment: no practice, no difficulty, no question is “too much” or “not normal.” And it’s not a session where you’d be expected to make dramatic revelations: we move at your pace, step by step.
So what is it for? It’s there to help you understand what’s at play for you, to put words to a discomfort or a block, and to build concrete paths forward together. People come for low desire, pain, erection or orgasm difficulties, vaginismus, friction within the couple, questions of identity or orientation, or simply the wish to know themselves better. Every one of these reasons is legitimate.
How the first session unfolds
The big question is usually: what actually happens in a first sex therapy session? Let me demystify it completely, because knowing how it goes already removes a great deal of apprehension.
Welcome: setting a safe framework
The session begins with a time to settle in. I introduce myself, explain how I work, the framework, confidentiality, and I answer your first practical questions. This moment is far from trivial: it’s there to create the climate of trust without which nothing can be said. You have nothing to “get right”; you just have to be there.
The history-taking: understanding your story
Next comes what we call the history-taking: I ask you open questions to understand your background, your current situation, your emotional and sexual history, and what brings you here today. You stay free throughout: you’re never obliged to answer a question that makes you uncomfortable, and you can tell me so. This step lets me grasp the whole context, because sexuality can never be understood in isolation from the rest of life.
Setting a goal together
At the end of the first session, we identify a goal to work toward together: what you’d like to see change, and how we’ll make our way there. That goal isn’t fixed; it will adjust over the course of our meetings. You leave with a clear direction, and often with a sense of relief — the relief of having finally put things into words.
What the following sessions look like
Once that first framework is in place, the following sessions get into the heart of the work. Each consultation remains a dialogue, but it draws on tools tailored to your situation: exercises to reconnect with your body and sensations, work on beliefs and automatic thoughts, approaches inspired by mindfulness or slow sex, techniques for managing performance anxiety, or couple communication exercises where relevant.
Exercises between sessions
One feature of clinical sexology: part of the work happens between appointments. I regularly suggest small exercises to try at home, on your own or with your partner — never imposed, always tailored to what you feel ready to explore. They’re what move the work forward in concrete terms: the session opens up possibilities, and your everyday life becomes the ground where change takes root. We talk about it again at the next session, with no sense of being graded or of “homework done well.”
The pace is flexible too. Many people gradually space out their appointments as things start to ease. You’ll find the details of my approach and support on the sessions page.
How many sessions does it usually take?
This is probably the most common question before a sex therapy session, and the honest answer is: it depends. I’m wary of ready-made promises with set numbers, because every story is unique. I can, however, give you some rough ranges so you can picture things calmly.
For a focused, recent difficulty, a few sessions — often between three and six — are sometimes enough to unlock the situation. For longer-standing, more entangled issues, or ones involving the couple, the support can extend over several months, at a pace that gradually lightens. Sexology isn’t an endless, long-term therapy: the goal is to give you back your autonomy, not to keep you here over time.
So what matters isn’t so much the number of sessions as the quality of the ground covered. From the very first session, I give you a realistic estimate based on your situation, and we reassess regularly. For questions of cost, I invite you to consult the sexologist fees page directly — transparent and up to date.
On your own or as a couple, and confidentiality
You can absolutely come on your own, even when the difficulty concerns life as a couple. Working on yourself often has a positive effect on the relationship, and your partner doesn’t need to be present for things to shift. Conversely, some issues are best approached as a couple: we discuss it together and choose the most fitting arrangement, even alternating between individual and couple sessions.
Complete confidentiality
Everything said in a session is strictly confidential: I’m bound by professional secrecy. Nothing you confide to me leaves this space. In couple sessions, I also make sure the framework stays fair, where each person can speak in safety, without the consultation turning into a courtroom. This confidentiality is the very condition of free speech — and it of course applies to online consultations too, within a secure digital setting.
How to prepare for your first session
Good news: there’s almost nothing to prepare, and above all no “right answer” to revise. There’s no need to arrive with a polished speech or to know how to phrase everything perfectly; putting clumsy words to what you feel is precisely part of the work.
If it helps, you can simply ask yourself, before the session: what brings me here today? for how long? and what would I like to see change? Jot it down if you like, but it isn’t required. For an online consultation, mainly arrange a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed, and a decent connection: being able to speak freely, without fear of being overheard, changes everything.
Finally, welcome your apprehension gently. Feeling your heart beat a little faster before a first sex therapy session isn’t only normal — it’s a good sign: it means the subject matters to you. My role is precisely to turn that apprehension into a feeling of safety, from the very first minutes.
Frequently asked questions
What happens in a first session with a sexologist?
It begins with a time to settle in, setting the framework and confidentiality, followed by a history-taking — open questions about your story and your situation — and then we define a goal to work toward together. Everything happens through dialogue, at your own pace.
How many sessions does it usually take?
It depends on your situation. For a recent, focused difficulty, three to six sessions are often enough; for longer-standing or couple-related issues, the support can last a few months, gradually lightening. I give you a realistic estimate from the very first session.
Is there a physical exam during a sexology consultation?
No, none at all. As a clinical sexologist, I never perform any gynecological examination or physical touch. My work rests entirely on listening, dialogue and therapeutic tools, which is also what makes online consultations possible.
Can I come as a couple?
Yes. You can come on your own, even for a couple-related difficulty, or attend together depending on the reason. We choose the most suitable arrangement together, sometimes alternating between individual and couple sessions.
Is it confidential?
Absolutely. I’m bound by professional secrecy: everything said in a session stays strictly between us. This confidentiality also applies to online consultations, held within a secure digital setting.
How do I prepare for my first session?
There’s almost nothing to prepare. You can simply reflect on what brings you here, for how long, and what you’d like to see change. For an online session, arrange a quiet place where you can speak freely.